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.5.23.17.

Up late again tonight {can stop obsessing over her breathing}. I am laying in bed listening to her... I've been watching her sleep for an hour and a half. We had a mini meltdown tonight. First one in weeks. My girl said some things tonight took my breath away, but not in a good way. Tonight she very specifically told me "I wish I could spend the night at my poppa's during the week like I used to" {this, of course, was in the middle of the mini meltdown, all because this meany mama said it was waaayyyyy past bed time and it was time to turn the tv and phones off. To which she replied with, laying in bed yelling/singing "I'm not tired. I'm not tired."}, any whoo OOO's... I couldn't, I just COULD  N O T believe my ears. This girl made the most specific request. Not " I miss my dad" or "I wish I could see my poppa more". NOPE. Straight to "...during the week like I used to..." What in the entire fuck of all fucks?
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.5.11.17.

"You do not owe me for being attentive to your needs, by making you a priority. That is my contract with you regardless of circumstance." – Jaycee Kemp I can not express to you how real and brutally honest this is for me today. I am in a place in my life I never imagined I would be in. Call it naive. Call it oblivious. Whatever. I never in a million years thought I would be "THIS" mom. Honestly, I never gave much thought to what it would be like to be a mom of a kid that "has something wrong with it"; because there is nothing wrong with my CHILD. She is beautifully and perfectly made. But besides that, I never stopped to wonder what a mom must feel like to have a kid with a "disability". How different it is then having a child who is healthy, can run and play with his/her friends and you don't worry about if those kids are sick, or if they've been around a kid that is. To have a kid that doesn't have to see the doctors every three m
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